Am I a Controller?
آیا مهار کننده هستم؟
1. My spouse often tells me I’m wrong or crazy‚ and sometimes I am so confused‚ I think maybe I am crazy.
2. I like to meet the needs of others and I feel uncomfortable when someone wants to serve me.
3. I am dishonest at times to avoid conflict.
4. Things must be done in an orderly‚ specific way‚ or I get angry.
5. Sometimes I try to control my temper‚ but once I’m angry‚ I can’t calm down.
6. I don’t have a lot of contact with my parents or adult siblings.
7. I am not a risk taker‚ and I like things to be predictable.
8. I often feel unworthy‚ unlovable‚ and wonder why I am on this earth.
9. My partner controls almost everything about my life
10. When people hurt me‚ I tend to write them off and I have cut people off in past relationships.
11. My spouse or significant other has (or threatens to) hit‚ drag‚ or shoved me.
12. My parents would describe me as a good kid who never caused problems.
13. I am not a moody person and I would describe myself as consistent and reliable. So moody people get on my nerves.
14. My parent(s) acted more like kids than parents.
15. I would describe my childhood as unsafe.
16. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”
17. My partner says mean things to me and makes me feel small and helpless.
18. I have feelings of jealousy and often feel like I’m not a first priority to my spouse or significant other.
19. I need space and feel trapped if someone always wants to be with me all the time.
20. I feel like I am always waiting for time and attention from my partner.
21. I make it obvious when I’m hurt‚ and when no one pursues me to ask what’s wrong‚ I feel even more upset and angry.
22. I have concerns about the safety of my spouse‚ kids‚ or significant other‚ and worry about my family being harmed or hurt.
23. Sometimes I give in‚ even when I disagree‚ just to avoid a quarrel.
24. My dating relationship with my spouse was passionate and exciting‚ but now I feel betrayed and duped because that spark is gone.
25. I have difficulty saying “no” and find that I often over-commit myself.
26. I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant.
27. I don’t like to be alone‚ but often feel resentful and lonely when my spouse or significant other is around.
28. I often feel empty‚ like my longing for connection and attention is never satisfied.
29. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over.
30. My partner says they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.
31. When people around me become emotional‚ I tend to look for a way to distance myself.
32. I am afraid if I left my spouse‚ they would harm me or my kids.
33. I want more connection than my spouse or significant other wants‚ and I’m always the one trying to make it happen.
34. Crying kids really annoy me; if they were my kid‚ it would stop.
35. My partner wants a lot more connection than I do‚ and sometimes I wish they could be more independent.
36. Chaos feels normal to me; when things are quiet I grow anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen.
37. Growing up‚ my family was not very affectionate or demonstrative with touch or words.
38. I am very good at anticipating the needs of others and meeting them.
39. I would rather do something nice for someone when I think they are mad at me than confront them directly.
40. People sometimes describe me as intimidating.
41. I get angry when others don’t meet my expectations‚ and I feel relieved after I vent.
42. I feel very anxious if someone is upset or annoyed with me‚ so I am good at “keeping peace”.
43. My partner tells me I am distant and don’t show enough affection.
44. I try to avoid long conversations‚ especially if I think someone will get emotional.
45. I get uncomfortable when people ask me how I feel.
46. Growing up‚ my family rarely‚ if ever‚ discussed personal concerns.
47. I don’t let myself cry because if I started‚ I’d never stop.
48. Anger and frustration are usually the only emotions I feel.
49. I often feel misunderstood and unsupported.
50. My partner sometimes mistreats me‚ but it would be worse to be alone.
51. One or both of my parents had serious problems and or multiple marriages.
52. I have always been sensitive and perceptive and can tell when others are pulling away from me.
53. After social gatherings‚ I can’t stop thinking about how I was perceived and I am consumed with figuring out how I could have said things differently.
54. I rarely cry and think crying is a waste of time that doesn’t help anything.
55. Growing up‚ my home was very difficult‚ but I found I could escape into my head and go away.
56. I usually defer to a friend or spouse when choosing a restaurant.
57. If I am honest‚ I would say my partner is afraid of me.
58. I’m rarely angry‚ and if I am‚ I usually hide it rather than show it.
59. I think asking for help is a sign of weakness and I prefer to solve problems on my own.
60. I have hit or pushed my spouse‚ significant other‚ or kids.
61. When people ask me about my childhood‚ I don’t have a lot of memories.
62. I don’t like being alone and avoid conflict to keep people from pulling away from me.
63. I feel powerless in my relationships‚ like I am just going through the motions.
64. I have thought of leaving my spouse many times‚ but I don’t have the courage to actually do it.
65. No one protected me from harm growing up‚ so I had to toughen up and take care of myself.
66. I took a lot of abuse during my childhood until I threatened and fought back‚ then it stopped.
67. My childhood was very unsafe‚ and I can remember hiding to protect myself.
68. I use substances like food‚ alcohol‚ or drugs to help deal with the stress and pain in my life.
69. I find it difficult to reengage when I’m angry‚ and when my partner makes an effort‚ I feel it’s too little to late.
70. One of my parents was either critical or fearful and I tried hard to keep them happy or win their approval or I compensated for an unruly sibling by being the responsible one
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