Am I an Avoider?
آیا من طفره رونده هستم؟
1. I usually defer to a friend or spouse when choosing a restaurant.
2. I often feel unworthy‚ unlovable‚ and wonder why I am on this earth.
3. Life has taught me to either “be in control” or “be controlled.”
4. I rarely cry and think crying is a waste of time that doesn’t help anything.
5. Chaos feels normal to me; when things are quiet I grow anxious because I’m waiting for something bad to happen.
6. My partner controls almost everything about my life
7. Growing up‚ my family rarely‚ if ever‚ discussed personal concerns.
8. I want more connection than my spouse or significant other wants‚ and I’m always the one trying to make it happen.
9. Sometimes I try to control my temper‚ but once I’m angry‚ I can’t calm down.
10. I like to meet the needs of others and I feel uncomfortable when someone wants to serve me.
11. I get uncomfortable when people ask me how I feel.
12. I think asking for help is a sign of weakness and I prefer to solve problems on my own.
13. I try to avoid long conversations‚ especially if I think someone will get emotional.
14. No one protected me from harm growing up‚ so I had to toughen up and take care of myself.
15. I feel like I am always waiting for time and attention from my partner.
16. I'm rarely angry‚ and if I am‚ I usually hide it rather than show it.
17. My spouse often tells me I’m wrong or crazy‚ and sometimes I am so confused‚ I think maybe I am crazy.
18. I don’t let myself cry because if I started‚ I’d never stop.
19. I took a lot of abuse during my childhood until I threatened and fought back‚ then it stopped.
20. My parent(s) acted more like kids than parents.
21. I have feelings of jealousy and often feel like I’m not a first priority to my spouse or significant other.
22. I am afraid if I left my spouse‚ they would harm me or my kids.
23. My partner sometimes mistreats me‚ but it would be worse to be alone.
24. When people ask me about my childhood‚ I don’t have a lot of memories.
25. I would describe my childhood as unsafe.
26. Growing up‚ my home was very difficult‚ but I found I could escape into my head and go away.
27. My parents would describe me as a good kid who never caused problems.
28. I often feel empty‚ like my longing for connection and attention is never satisfied.
29. I don’t like to be alone‚ but often feel resentful and lonely when my spouse or significant other is around.
30. Sometimes I give in‚ even when I disagree‚ just to avoid a quarrel.
31. People sometimes describe me as intimidating.
32. I have few feelings about my childhood except I’m glad it’s over.
33. My partner tells me I am distant and don’t show enough affection.
34. I would rather do something nice for someone when I think they are mad at me than confront them directly.
35. When people around me become emotional‚ I tend to look for a way to distance myself.
36. I get angry when others don’t meet my expectations‚ and I feel relieved after I vent.
37. I am not a moody person and I would describe myself as consistent and reliable. So moody people get on my nerves.
38. I am not a risk taker‚ and I like things to be predictable.
39. If I am honest‚ I would say my partner is afraid of me.
40. I have hit or pushed my spouse‚ significant other‚ or kids.
41. Anger and frustration are usually the only emotions I feel.
42. I feel very anxious if someone is upset or annoyed with me‚ so I am good at “keeping peace”.
43. After social gatherings‚ I can’t stop thinking about how I was perceived and I am consumed with figuring out how I could have said things differently.
44. I make it obvious when I’m hurt‚ and when no one pursues me to ask what’s wrong‚ I feel even more upset and angry.
45. My partner wants a lot more connection than I do‚ and sometimes I wish they could be more independent.
46. My childhood was very unsafe‚ and I can remember hiding to protect myself.
47. My spouse or significant other has (or threatens to) hit‚ drag‚ or shoved me.
48. I use substances like food‚ alcohol‚ or drugs to help deal with the stress and pain in my life.
49. I would describe myself as independent and self-reliant.
50. I feel powerless in my relationships‚ like I am just going through the motions.
51. I don’t like being alone and avoid conflict to keep people from pulling away from me.
52. One or both of my parents had serious problems and or multiple marriages.
53. I need space and feel trapped if someone always wants to be with me all the time.
54. One of my parents was either critical or fearful and I tried hard to keep them happy or win their approval or I compensated for an unruly sibling by being the responsible one.
55. I have always been sensitive and perceptive and can tell when others are pulling away from me.
56. I often feel misunderstood and unsupported.
57. Things must be done in an orderly‚ specific way‚ or I get angry.
58. My dating relationship with my spouse was passionate and exciting‚ but now I feel betrayed and duped because that spark is gone.
59. I have thought of leaving my spouse many times‚ but I don’t have the courage to actually do it.
60. I don’t have a lot of contact with my parents or adult siblings.
61. When people hurt me‚ I tend to write them off and I have cut people off in past relationships.
62. Growing up‚ my family was not very affectionate or demonstrative with touch or words.
63. My partner says mean things to me and makes me feel small and helpless.
64. I have difficulty saying “no” and find that I often over-commit myself.
65. I find it difficult to reengage when I’m angry‚ and when my partner makes an effort‚ I feel it’s too little to late.
66. My partner says they feel like they are walking on eggshells around me.
67. I have concerns about the safety of my spouse‚ kids‚ or significant other‚ and worry about my family being harmed or hurt.
68. I am dishonest at times to avoid conflict.
69. Crying kids really annoy me; if they were my kid‚ it would stop.
70. I am very good at anticipating the needs of others and meeting them.
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